Since I have started my own practice, I have had hard days.
Yesterday was hard.
My Schedule included:
- Seeing Patients
- Business Meetings
- Attending Graduation Services for a Family Member
- Deep Cleaning of the Office (I’m not making enough money yet to hire a cleaning service!)
At the end of the day, I was quite tired. I hit the bed at 9:30 and was OUT! I woke up this morning – feeling refreshed! Did some yoga and meditation and now I am ready and excited for what today holds!
Before I started my practice, I had hard days. But it was quite different. On these days I would brace myself for a day of seeing 20-25 patients in time slots I knew were too short (15 minutes), but I did not have the power to change that. I’d run deep into my lunch hour and not have enough time to eat and fully decompress. I’d probably sit in my car for a while and cry for a minute that I couldn’t attend the graduation services, because canceling appointments that were made 6 months ago would take an act of healthcare congress. I’d go home with more than a dozen charts to finish and countless emails, refill requests, and messages unanswered that would linger overhead for the weekend. I could rest, but never fully, because I’d know I had so much left over work.
I would get sleep – but it was not restorative. Those kind of hard days I couldn’t just sleep off. You can’t sleep, breathe, or meditate your way out of moral injury. You can pause just long enough to get back in the game – but you know at some point that life is going to knock you down completely…
To all my friends, especially physicians and healthcare workers, who feel like making a change is too hard, please know that staying in a situation where you are undervalued and not in control is actually much harder. Yes, change is hard. You WILL have hard days, but those hard days will hit differently, and you will be able to recover.
I wish you the faith and courage you need to make the change that you know deep down is right for you. Don’t keep believing that it’s easier to stay where you are – it’s actually much harder than you think, but its the devil you know.
Dr. Cooke’s website is Sol Direct Primary Care