Not All Churn is Bad
Learning from the DPC community has been profoundly helpful in my own practice of nearly 2 years. I have experienced the valleys of fear and frustration along with the mountain tops of hope and elation. It has taken breathwork, therapy, psychedelic treatments, dark night of the soul and a lot of internal reflection to hold myself up during this time. I find myself entering a contemplative phase where I see everything as a mirror being held up for me to see myself. When I peer within I find trauma, pain and unhealthy beliefs that I am consistently working to let go. I also find resilience, beauty, strength, creativity, laughter and fun. Entering the healthy connection to both the yin and the yang has been helping me heal. My therapist calls this “the middle path.” I do not need to live in extremes but rather in healthy balance.
One of the ways in which I have found balance is in allowing those who are not a fit to leave my practice with grace and ease. And there have been a couple of times when the recommendation to leave has been made by yours truly. I follow the law and do so with respect. Yes, there have been wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth with a double scoop of hurt, a dash of indignation, a pinch of anger, a large piece of humble pie accompanied with a side of relief. In taking a closer look, I have seen my unhealthy behavior of people pleasing along with trying to prove myself to another. “If I was better, they would not have left” is a thought that has ping ponged around my mind. And then I take a deep breath and remember that those are old beliefs developed during traumatic experiences of my past. Now I am healthier adult who can see things with clarity and safety.
An unexpected side effect of all this is that I am learning that I do not have to be all things even to a small group of people. Some folks come for a season and that is ok. And when I take an even closer inventory of the situation, I always end up seeing the greatness of it. Many of these patients have manifested their own inner struggles with behaviors I have found challenging. I have felt pressures in my body that were not optimal for my own health. They are not wrong for having particular needs and I am not wrong for being unable to meet those needs. Another unexpected experience is that there have been requests to return. One particular patient was on a scholarship before he left. Upon requesting to return, he was advised that the scholarship went to another patient and no longer available with an additional re-enrollment fee being required to return. He expressed lament for not being more grateful for the scholarship with a continued desire to return. This patient treats me with much more respect and kindness now that he pays full price. Who’d of thunk right!
I am letting go of the old habit to push myself beyond healthy limits and have decided the only time I am bending over backwards is in yoga! Loving someone enough to let them go with positive thoughts and wishes has been a tremendous way for me to heal while supporting them to heal as well. The pressure has been lifted and I now understand I can provide service without sacrifice. The churn can be challenging but by golly, it is not always bad! And when one leaves, I suddenly get 3-5 more inquiries that are more in alignment with body and soul. Abundance can come from learning these important lessons and letting go of that which no longer serves me!
Appreciate you sharing your insight!